We started our main bathroom renovation on the Saturday of President’s Day weekend and I honestly believed it would be done within 36 hours, max. But guess what? Real life is not Pinterest. It has taken longer than I could have imagined, we ran into electrical difficulties, we couldn’t work uninterrupted with a toddler, we were exhausted, and lacked motivation. That is the downside of a renovation that you don’t see when you’re scrolling on Pinterest or deeeeep on Instagram 7 profiles removed. (BTW, my Instagram account has all of my regular updated so follow along there for real-time updates and behind the scenes.)
So, our bathroom is not done. There are just not enough hours and enough money on hand to complete this level of renovation is a weekend. And I’m wrestling through that sense of defeat and of … failure? Here are some of my thoughts on what social media means to me, how it has influenced me (and, let’s be honest, likely your) view of yourself.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Again, real life is not Pinterest. It is not perfect and staged. It is not well curated and fits within squares on a detached unfamiliar profile for a “public image.” Today, I want to encourage us (I include myself) to stop comparing our progress – in all areas of our lives – to what we see on social media. Are there accounts you follow that cause you to be jealous, lustful, envious, and even spiteful of what you have now? I know there are some accounts like that I followed/check in on and now IT’S TIME TO UNFOLLOW.
No one has it all together.
For me, my biggest threat is comparing my homes to homes I scroll upon. Well curated, perfectly manicured, luxurious homes. These homes probably took countless hours and tens of thousands of dollars to achieve these looks. These homes were not achieved over one weekend. Seeing these perfect squares makes me believe that my renovation and my change should be instant – I expect fast and quick without realizing that there will be limitations, challenges, etc. I need to give myself grace and leniency to accommodate changes otherwise I’m at risk of holding myself to standards that are not achievable. No one has it all together.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison of self, of finances, of your body, of your parenting, of your home, of your work, will consume you and will not, in my opinion, generate genuine self-love. You cannot be someone else. You cannot have what someone else has. You must be content and find joy in what you have. Why? Because behind the scenes and behind the public image of social media are regular schmegular people, just like you and me, struggling on some level. Financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – whatever level they struggle on, no one has it completely together all of the time.
Behind the scenes and behind the public image of social media are regular, schmegular people, just like you and me, struggling on some level.
Why are we so afraid to show the real us on social media?
This is something I struggle to understand and to rationalize. I do think our current culture places a lot of emphasis on being a “brand”, where your name has to be associated with a crafted image and where your public persona has to have mass appeal. This works for some people but not for me. I don’t want Public Tiarra and Private Tiarra to be two juxtaposed people competing against one another without a balance. I don’t want my public image to differ so greatly from who I am in real life that it is unrecognizable. A brand is important, of course, and you’re obviously on my blog which is the start of “my brand”, but it should be a reflection of me – not what I think sponsors, collaborators, potential partners and corporate America wants to see. So why are we so afraid to just be us?
What will I be doing differently?
Here are some changes you can expect to see …
- Less vignettes. I don’t want to hide what is happening behind the scenes. My house is dusty, messy, there are rooms and projects that are untouched. There are tools everywhere and we often feel overwhelmed. I want to document this more. I want to show you the rooms you’ve never even seen on IG or me talk about.
- Sharing more of what toll renovation takes. It is costly and it is emotional. We have had to prioritize many other things over renovating, which often feels like a loss. But we have a mortgage, a small business, health insurance to pay for, a car, the list goes on. It’s okay – and well justified – to pause a project if life demands it.
- Room makeovers. I’ve done my research and most blogs and designers focus on home renovations and customized design. This is not an option for everyone and I don’t think a large group of the population should be excluded from quality design because they are renters. I’m currently working on affordable, manageable room makeovers that a renter, a newly wed couple, a set of roommates, anyone, can implement that do not involve outsourcing or hiring trades, craftsman, permits, structural changes, etc.
All that to say, real life is not Pinterest. It’s not always smiling and perfect lighting and well behaved children. Real homes are lived in and have damage and need work and need care. So stop comparing yourself to what you see online. Because everyone is adding a filter and cropping the photo.
Everyone is adding a filter and cropping the photo.
I hope you appreciate this honesty because we need more of it. Here’s to being more transparent.
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